Five rubbish lezzo films for rubbish hungover times

by Lemon Tart

Here at cake HQ, we’re basically new wave separatism revivalists*. So, not only do we not buy a bus ticket from a man, we refuse to talk to anyone straight. Ever. Problematic when seeing our parents at Christmas, for example.

Entertainment-wise, obviously everyone who writes for TMC only listens to music by lesbian singers and watches TV and films ONLY if they might have a vaguely gay theme (The Witches counts. Clueless doesn’t). The whole situation can be difficult – for example, some art exhibitions by straight people in London are quite good, and some of us are occasionally tempted to pop down and view them. But: if this happens, one of us will appear with a deterrent. We find throwing green paint at them is best, like Peta, to shame them. (Not green-coloured paint: green paint – environmentally-friendly paint that biodegrades as fast as possible).

Anyway, every new wave separatism revivalist needs a rubbish lez film to get them through dark days (ie January 1st. Or January 2nd depending on how long you’re planning to keep going. Just don’t ever go to Fabric on January 1st. Don’t.) So here are five…

*not an actual thing probably.

1.

HIGH ART

The most pretentious film ever made. Therefore rubbish and AMAZING.

2.

GO FISH

I know this was revolutionary, and totally exciting for lezzers who had been starved of a good lez film. But it sure as hell ain’t good. It’s rubbish to a perfect degree. Favourite scene: the pre-sex nail clipping scene.

3.

LOVING ANNABELLE

Veering on paedophilic, this atrociously-acted film also has one of the worst scripts ever. Therefore RUBBISH therefore WATCH IT.

4.

GIA

Models! Drugs! Lesbians! Definitely pretty rubbish. Unmissable.

5.

ITTY BITTY TITTY COMMITTEE

Everyone I know who’s seen this says it’s pretty dull.

But you know what, you couldn’t get more obediently new wave separatist than this. So this wins.

Go enjoy some rubbish times!