Gay Brothers & Sisters: why two film-makers are making a documentary about Gay Siblings

words Kendal Mint Cake, pictures Christa Holka.

I love to watch documentaries. I find that if I’m really enjoying a documentary, it engages a part of my brain that I don’t normally use- the part that’s often left stranded in the haze of spreadsheets and sitting at bus stops and staying up late waiting for the washing machine to finish its last cycle whilst watching videos on YouTube. A good documentary dissects your understanding of the world and shakes you awake again.

Sometimes its hard to find the time to sit down and watch one, but luckily for me I’ve found two friends who share my love of this genre. More exciting still, these two friends both come from television backgrounds and are embarking on making an indie documentary of their own, which is why I brought a dictaphone to dinner on one particularly chilly Tuesday in Clapton.

They’re looking for people who may be interested in contributing to the film. Read on!

GAY SIBS- AN INTERVIEW WITH THE FILMMAKERS

Cat McShane is part of Channel 4′s “First Cut” generation of one-to-watch filmmakers, and has worked with many of the country’s leading documentary companies. Her work spans diverse subject matter from Bar Mitzvahs (BBC2′s My Bar Mitzvah Diary) to adult doll’s collectors (Channel 4′s Hello Dollies) She also writes for The Observer.

Liz Collier was trained at the BBC, but having flown the nest is now a freelance producer working in documentaries and factual programming. She’s worked on an eclectic range of projects from Channel 4′s ‘Cutting Edge’ to ITV’s Superhuman and the BBC’s ‘Maestro’, her most recent project being a 5 part history series for C4, where she had the unlikely pleasure of becoming an expert in Edwardian engineering!

We are dining. Cat has served a rösti dish and I have just ruined the ambiance by fumbling about with the dictaphone.

KMC: Ok, it’s recording right now. This is not a big deal, we’re just having a casual conversation so let’s get started.

LIZ: Well, we’ve both done lots of broadcast stuff , but this project is an exciting excursion for us, we’ve both been eager to make something for festival and other indie circuit for a while.

CAT: It’s also hard to get films commissioned with gay subject matter.

KMC: Gay siblings then- what’s your motivation for making a film on this topic?

CAT: My sister came out when I was 18 and she was about 21. I was pretty devastated by it actually, because I thought I was the gay one in the family but hadn’t quite figured it all out yet. I was nowhere near the stage of doing anything about it and I was quite a late developer in some respects, but her coming out to me…I thought there was no way I could come out now.

KMC: People might think it would be easier to come out if you already had a gay sibling. Why wasn’t that the case for you?

CAT: Well, it wasn’t just the fact she was gay. It was about our relationship. I found it embarrassing. I thought, why should my mum have to deal with two gays?. It’s sort of to do with the gay thing- but its mainly to do with the way we grew up with each other. We never spoke with each other about our personal lives, who we might fancy- that just wasn’t part of our dynamic.

LIZ: It’s a brilliant subject because we can use gay siblings as a springboard to explore family life. There’s a real trend in fiction films to make truthful and witty pieces about less mainstream families. We’d ultimately like to make films about contemporary families and how they work.

KMC: I think people from all different situations will be able to relate to this idea of sex and relationships being taboo as a discussion topic within families…

CAT: Yes, and what is more of a statement than having to tell your parents and siblings about your sexual preferences!

LIZ: The film will be about universal truths, but telling them with a queer slant.

CAT: I think the portrayal of gays and lesbians on telly has reached another stage. There are so many things that haven’t been explored yet because we were all so caught up with the hurdles of ‘why’ and ‘when’ when it comes to sexuality.

LIZ: The nature/nurture debate….etc etc.

KMC: Are you guys going to have a stance on that at all in this film? The issue of genetics seems like an obvious one.

CAT: If there are four generations of gay people within one family than that’s interesting, but we don’t want the film to be about science. The gay thing is always going to be present but its predominantly about family.

KMC: Do you think there are tensions that arise out of gay sibling relationships that don’t exist in straight ones?

CAT: Well, what I have heard is that because the ‘gay pond’ is so much smaller in terms of dating, problems like fancying the same people or fighting over someone come up a lot more. With me, I find there’s a freakshow element – the gay sisters! It’s quite weird. It seems as if its alright to have one gay child in the family, but two? Then it becomes a problem, and that reveals something about society’s attitude to gay people. Of course, there are parents worried about not having grandkids or wondering where they went wrong, or whether it was genetic…whose fault is it? Is it the way we raised them? People can’t explain it. ‘We expected it from him, but never from you…’ There’s a lot of pressure.

LIZ: I think perhaps our generation is the first that isn’t seeking answers, whereas our parents’ generation, things were a little different, I mean being a gay man was still illegal in our parents’ lifetime. It’s an extraordinary generational thing for answers to be secondary to just experiencing and exploring your identity.

KMC: Have you come across any stories in your preliminary research that you’ve found particularly interesting?

LIZ: We’ve heard of three gay aboriginal brothers, triplets, based in Australia…

CAT: And we had the Parisians- this brother and his younger sister who came to London for a summer in their teens. He’d always been quite shut-off. They kept ending up in Soho together, talking about how cool gay people were but not admitting what was going on. One night he didn’t come back to the hostel, and in the morning he came out to his sister, which immediately changed their relationship for the better. When she came out to him a few years later, it made them closer again. Then she outed both of them to their parents! The brother and sister support each other; who knows what the initial block between them was? You don’t know. That’s the same with me and my sister. We always would have been close, but when I finally shared my experiences and relationships with her, that made us a lot closer.

KMC: Was your sister angry about it when she heard you’d been keeping your sexuality a secret from her? Or did she expect it?

CAT: I wanted to wait until I was more sure of a relationship I was in. I wanted to make it more real that way, but you can’t wait around for that so I just had to say it. I hid things from her- it was really shitty. The first time I had a girl round to stay, they saw her leaving my house the next morning. My sister asked me about it later- ‘was that one of your sleepovers?’ It was always hinted at.

KMC: So what is the agenda of this film? Are you promoting openness between siblings?

LIZ: I don’t like the idea of the film having any sort of agenda. I want to find extraordinary stories, and through these tell universal truths about modern families.

CAT: I want it to be a celebration. I want it to be positive. A celebration of different families, gay families. The messiness of families and how you overcome those problems as you get older.

LIZ: So much of life experience is based on what goes on in your family. The whole spectrum of life experience can be found there. At the moment we are just looking for people to share their stories with us- ideally they would like to be involved in the filming but that’s not essential.

CAT: And now is a really exciting time for documentary making. It goes way beyond just a broadcast date on television. It’s about much more than just the film- there’s the festivals, online forums where people can interact and share their stories. The charities we’re working with can use it….it’s much more collaborative. The film is a large chunk of it but the project has a life beyond that.

KMC: So the aim of this conversation is to find some more people who are willing to contribute to the film?

CAT: Yeah, we’re looking to do this in the next year. Some of the people involved will be just a snapshot, but hopefully others will have more of a narrative arc. There might be something in their lives we’d want to follow, whether its a reunion, a trip, or something that needs to be faced within their family…

LIZ: But at the same time we don’t want to challenge family dynamics. Ideally all of the family would be interested in taking part, but the most important thing is the siblings’ stories.

CAT: I find that people who get involved with documentaries do it because they want to. They might want to get something off their chest, or to further the gay cause. Maybe they want to get something out in the open with their family. What’s great about this project is that there is no pressure from our side…

LIZ: It’s completely character and real experience led.

CAT: And its personal because we know there is something in it. Everyone knows gay siblings- we just want to get on and do this.

LIZ: I’m really passionate about communicating ideas in a captivating way and making films that have really important points at the core but getting people to notice them through telling witty, warm and fundamentally great stories about modern life….and it’s a bit of an adventure for us a filmmakers……oh god, please don’t make us sound like wankers!

I don’t think they do.

To get involved, you can contact Liz and Cat here: gaysiblingsfilm@gmail.com
Or join the Facebook page, ‘Gay Siblings Documentary,’ to find out more and to message them through there.