TMC Reviews… The Kids Are All Right
I don’t go to the cinema a lot, I really don’t. I think in the last 18 months I’ve been three times. I saw ‘I Am Love’ for Tilds, ‘The Social Network’ because everyone else wouldn’t shut up about it at work, and then on Saturday for ‘The Kids Are All Right.’
My decision to go and see this film was actually made 6 months ago, when I was lingering about spotting hotties at the London Lesbian and Gay Film Festival. There was some talk of a film starring Annette Bening (ding!- American Beauty was my Favourite Film as a teenager) and Julianne Moore (ding ding! Boogie Nights, The Hours, Far From Heaven- everything she touches turns to gold) playing a lesbian couple with kids in a comedy drama. It ticked all the boxes. But I’ve seen a lot of lesbians represented on screen- I’m no novice- and I knew there must be a catch. Someone’s going to die (probably by jumping off a roof holding a falcon a la ‘Lost & Delirious’). Or one of them will realise she just needs a good old fashioned dicking after all (a la ‘Chasing Amy’, or worse, ‘Kissing Jessica Stein’). Them’s the rules when it comes to lezzies and mainstream cinema.
SPOILER: Turns out nobody dies in this film.
SPOILER SPOILER: But one of them does get a dicking.
When I heard the second bit- that Jules (Julianne Moore) cheats on her partner Nic (Annette Bening) with their sperm donor Paul (Mark Ruffalo), I was a bit disappointed. Another catch, another cop-out. Here’s where things get interesting though, readers. This film was written and directed by Lisa Cholodenko, a lez with a wife and kids conceived through sperm donation. (She also directed High Art, but let’s forget that for a second).
So I went to see it, and my jaded heart rejoiced!
This isn’t a film about lesbianism. This is a film about FAMILY. Sure, Jules sleeps with Paul in the course of the film, but she doesn’t sleep with him because he’s a man, she slept with him because her married life had started to lack intimacy. Cholodenko doesn’t shy away from the fact that the relationship dynamics in the film are complicated. Sexuality is complicated, brilliantly illustrated by the fact that Jules and Nic enjoy watching gay men’s porn in their downtime (so do I as it happens- extremely refreshing to see that particular idiosyncrasy addressed). Marriages are complicated, regardless of what gender you end up marrying. And so is raising a family, no matter what shape it takes.
Other aspects of the film were equally refreshing. Their kids are very open minded, well adjusted and interesting. See Joni’s taste in music for one (is that a PJ Harvey poster on the wall I see?) But wait, you gasp- how can this be? They’ve got two mums- they’ve got to be resentful about something! Oh right, it’ll be because same sex couples raise kids just as well as heterosexual couples do. Sure, they come with all that cringey teenage angst, but who doesn’t go through that? And it wasn’t overly dramatic, as most films involving lesbian relationships are. Nic doesn’t smash a pan full of organic veg on Paul’s head at dinner when she realises he’s slept with Jules. See her response for one of the most cinematically appealing scenes in the film. Real adult people don’t react like that to bad news. Especially in front of their children. And despite her infidelity, there isn’t the slightest suggestion that Jules would consider leaving Nic for Paul. See Jules’ and Paul’s conversation on the phone after the beans are spilt- brilliant.
I could go on ruining it for all of you who haven’t seen ‘The Kids Are All Right’ yet, but I’ll sum up by saying that I have a feeling this film will set the bar for how lesbian couples are portrayed in cinema. There’s been progress on TV, where an individual’s sexuality is entirely inconsequential, but I had not seen that same positivity and normalcy in the portrayal of lesbian characters on the big screen until now. The performances are spot-on, but that was to be expected. And cinephiles will love the subtle hints towards American Beauty throughout. Landscape architecture, awkward dinners, even the way Annette Bening opens doors…But this time the family isn’t torn apart by a repressed gay!
I should say something critical about ‘The Kids Are All Right’, just to be balanced, but writing this review has put me in a good mood so I can’t.
A final note: if you want to see this film, I strongly suggest paying for it in the cinema. If it gets a high enough box office gross then the people and organisations who fund filmmakers will realise that the public respond well to films like this and more of them will get made. Them’s the rules.
Brilliant.
This was an amazing film, not just for it’s ultimately positive portrayal of a lesbian couple with a family, but also… it’s just a really good film … go see it!
“extremely refreshing to see that particular idiosyncrasy addressed”
VERY REFRESHING
Obsessed.
Good review kendal mint cake….put me on a high too and gave me that glimmer of hope that my dream is achievable.
Spot on about the dinner scene when the infidelity comes out. Absolutely heart-wrenching and an amazing portrayal of the realisation of betrayal.
on another note…Julianne Moore is stunning and Annette Benning is a walking advert against botox. The little judgmental wrinkling of her face is PERFECTION.
Fantastic review. Exactly how i felt.
Annette Bening is AMAZING.
I thought this film was simply a fantastic commentary on real lesbian life. Everything about it felt genuine; the looks, the language, the entire family dynamic was spot on. It warmed my heart and made it ache too. Lovely stuff, and so nice to see two stalwart actresses on screen looking their age for a change – and still gorgeous – how nice is that?
I’m so shocked that you liked this film and am at complete odds with your review. Firstly, I hate that their relationship had to be on rocky ground to start with and after she fucks this guy it’s presumed that they’ll be A-OK again (only after a prompting from their son too!). It’s so typical that one of the women had to go and sleep with a man. I disagree with your review when you say it could have been anyone that she slept with and just reflects the fluidity of sexuality. This has been advertised as a film about lesbians. And as such why not sleep with another woman? It will just confirm the opinion that lesbians are fickle or can be turned if only they meet the right man. I think it really does a lot of harm to the sanctity of lesbian relationships.
This brings me to the sex scenes. The one and only sex scene between Jules and Nic was horrific, it was crap for them, it was boring and turned into a hideous event when the volume of their porn got turned up- it was a massive failure. What that says about lesbian sex being ‘real’ and good enough with a man coming in to play is pretty obvious. And then the multiple sex scenes between Jules and Paul (and let me come onto him in a moment) are portrayed as mind-blowingly fantastic.
I think that the plot would have been strong enough with the entrance of this man/father figure into their lives and the subtle alterations of family life without any cheating going on. It just seems so easy, expected and unnecessary. This is a character lead film, and if the characters and their emotions had been developed further this could have been a really interesting film instead of being made into a comedy where most of the laughs were at the points of confirmation of the stereotypified versions of lesbians that we were presented with. It was these small moments that kinda hurt me.
So, about Paul; I really don’t want to come across as man-hating as I’m not, however he is presented as this totally lovable character throughout where as the two women really aren’t (think of Nic’s alcohol reliance, controlling nature etc and Jules’ cheating). I don’t think that’s fair. To start with he’s presented as this easy-going, cool guy, then once he fucks Jules there are all these shots of his cheezy laddish grin proclaiming his pride at his victorious conquest in sleeping with a lesbian. He is also shown as wanting to be a good father and, because of this, expressing regret at his actions. No matter what type of person you are there is something to find charming in him. Not so with Jules and Nic.
This could have been a film about family, you’re right. But, it can’t be right now. I f there were loads of films about, or even showing, gay lives and gay family then sure. But there are not. Because of this this film will be viewed as about specifically lesbian family. (And why not actually- we’ve got tons of films about straight families, hardly any about lesbians). This is a very delicate subject and she had a very rare chance to show it in the mainstream and help people understand an element of society that they may not have had much contact with. To me this opportunity was completely wasted and may have just continued to add to the stereotypes surrounding lesbianism.
It felt like an attempt at exposing and showing our world as being in harmonious alignment with patriarchal or straight society. I think we should fuck this assimilationist attitude (can gays really only wish for a version of straight family and marriage- dysfunctional though they are? It’s a parody of their world, how about something a little more grand…?). There is a real need to present something that celebrates difference and radical opposition to the ‘acceptance’ of us into ‘their’ hegemony. I want and expect something more.
@cakeekac
After I read the synonpsis of the film I was very concerned about everything you’ve just mentioned. Think I’m going to have to watch it for myself and gauge my own opinion. You’re right – we do need more normalised queers in cinema. I literally can’t name one (oh…maybe the gays next door in American Beauty…think that’s it).
Totally agree with Cakeekac. I found the film to be a shambles. What could have been an opportunity in breaking down the typical stereotypes of gay women that seem to resonate so deeply within mainstream culture, has instead become a farcical ‘exploration’ of broken lesbian family life that is fundamentally ridiculed in its execution.
I am very surprised that such an important subject has been handled so poorly by its lesbian creator Lisa Cholodenko. I can only assume that the Hollywood studio had a hand in its obvious and easily digestible storyline but that is making excuses; The film is a failure. Fact.
Personally, I thought the kids are all right was brilliant and this article is genius. Totally captured why I liked this movie so much. Would love to see more of your writing on here.
AGREED. Great review.
I agree most with cakeekac’s reading of this film. I did enjoy most of it– it’s ALMOST there, but it’s still not that film that has got me jumping for joy that finally, finally! there is a film about lesbians/lesbians with family that isn’t injected with some dude. Sitting in the sold-out cinema, I was just like wow, this is quite a moment, surrounded by gays/straights/everyone watching this LESBIAN film! and all the subtleties, yes, I was enjoying those too. Loving all the lez in-jokes, the mostly realistic portrayals. But then it all goes to shit, because as another friend happily excuses it, as she said, that the movie NEEDS the Paul character/story to appeal to all audiences. Bullox!
Personally, unapologetic lesbo that I am, I relate to straight people every single day whether I want to or not. And so, no, I won’t be satisfied until that day when there is a Hollywood movie about a lesbian family/characters where yea, they don’t die at the end, or one of the main characters doesn’t end up fucking a dude. Like, how many films have we all watched in our lives without a single mention of a lesbian character?
@Hot Cakes In response to your line “How many films have we all watched in out lives without a single mention of a lesbian character?” I would like to point out that art tends to try and reflect life, certainly in cinema. One of the reasons that homosexuality faces a gentle and continuous struggle to be widely accepted is simply that many straight people, while they may know (and I say ‘may’ advisedly) a couple of gays or lesbians, a remarkably high number simply don’t have any gay close friends or family. Homosexuality simply isn’t an issue for them, hard as it is for many lesbians, going out exclusively in Shoreditch or Soho to appreciate. And this is something that we perpetuate, since it is natural for us to flock together, and so you end up with a curious reverse situation where some lesbians I know seem not to have a single close straight friend. One of my favourite things about ‘Lip Service’ was the way in which Sam was able to frankly discuss her love life with a straight male guy, without any hint of his fancying her, or getting off on anything she said- just like it was normal. Which it should be.
@cakeekac, while I appreciate your view that this film maybe didn’t portray something you felt to be politically expedient, not every single film has to portray homosexuality in a wonderful-marvellous-super-terrific way, and on the subject of art reflecting life, I’m afraid that messy things happen, I would argue particularly in gay relationships. Art doesn’t have to be the same as politics. The opposite in fact.