An open letter to Lisa Snowdon.
by Devil’s Food Cake
Dear Lisa,
So I’m sitting here on the train back from Kent. It’s late, I’m cold, I’ve had a long day and the snotty teenagers who were making faces at me across the table have only just (finally) gotten off the train. I’m bored, tired, frustrated and I really need to wee. I’m also reading Star magazine (readers – forgive me). And then I come across this gem, from you:
“I would basically have an operation to change sex and come back as a man so I’d be able to dance with Lilia Kopylova.”
It doesn’t strike me as particularly noteworthy. But there’s something about it that irks me, and I come back to it. I stare at it a while, puzzle over my sudden bizarre interest in this line. And then it hits me.
Now, Lisa. I am entirely unfamiliar with your line of work. I know, vaguely, that you used to date George Clooney. I think you used to host Britain’s Next Top Model. In fact, that’s it, isn’t it? You’re a model, right? Whatever, I’ll Wikipedia it later. You appear to have a good sense of business acumen, so you must not be, you know, stupid.
Why, then, would you say this? Surely you don’t think relationships between women are dirty or verboten? Hopefully you don’t think a woman dancing with another woman is wrong? If you think Ms. Kopylova is so desirable and you are clamouring so to dance with her, you could, you know, just… ask?
Now, I’m not transphobic or anything. If you feel like a man inside, by all means, be a man. But if your main objective is merely to procure a space on Ms. Kopylova’s dance card, you need not go to such extreme lengths. Indeed, for this purpose, surgically altering your body to reflect a more masculine sensibility seems a little OTT, and is unlikely to do anything to quell (what I believe to be) your predominant attraction to the male sex whilst still most definitely not making your attraction to women any more legit. Bisexuality does exist, you know, as does bicuriosity, and although I’m not a big fan of the latter (Katy Perry is permanently off my Christmas card list), I am a firm believer in the fluidity of one’s sexuality. So really, if you fancy her, go for it. You don’t need to be a man.
You can do this. Be strong. And if you need advice, our Black Forest is a great Agony Aunt.
All the best,
Devil’s Food Cake
Haha, poor old Snowers. I understand what you’re saying and all, but these are the kind of flippant lines I hear leave girl’s mouths up and down the country (because I go up and down it a lot and all – I don’t) every day. In fact, similar things leave my own mouth on a regular basis. Me: If I wasn’t a massive gay, and he wasn’t a massive gay, I would definitely marry Will Young and have like, 20 of his babies’. There is of course nothing fundamentally wrong with either of us doing this, nor do I actually mean what I’m saying – it’s just some stupid, off-the-cuff thing I come out with to express my admiration for the man. I’m pretty sure Star magazine’s journalists are happy to rape/make-up any old quote regardless of its context and/or accuracy in order to slap over yet another photo and raise an eyebrow or two. Celebrity journalists give me rage.
I’m probably a little bit biased though, as I listen to her Capital FM breakfast show with Johnny Vaughan every morning and think she’s really sweet and nice and quite funny in a ditsy way and that. Still made me laugh though. Lots.
Oh this is all light-hearted. I just mean that if she’d, you know, like to come over to our team, she’s more than welcome and need not be shy. I totally agree with you – Celebrity journalists are macabre and evil at the best of times and I am entirely sure ehr words were taken out of context. But in case they weren’t, you know… welcome to the light side.
Snowdon is one of us.
And not all celebrity journalists are evil. That’s all.
My good friend once asked: ‘would you fancy Johnny Depp if you were a girl?’ I didn’t take offence, it was hilarious.
see – i thought she was one of us. saw her in soho and she gave us a look that let our heart sink into our shoes. ;) apart from that – dating george clooney is even more proof as he is dating brad pitt – just to to stir some more gossip…
I saw her in Liberty, she’s quite fit in real life. Shame pon her tho.
I think Lisa Snowdon is alluding to Strictly Come Dancing only being for male/female couples, and so the only way, in that context, she could dance with Lilia Kopylova would if she was a man.
I personally would dance with Flavia if I had the choice and Strictly Come Dancing was more gay-friendly. In the mean time we’ll have to stick with titillation: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T2kI5w98Qas&feature=related
Hello – I think she was complimenting someone on their dance talent, no sexual connotation. I don’t think she was really queuing up for an operation and Strictly, I imagine, is just an old fashioned ballroom dancing competion that has both male and female dancers.
Unsure why this would cause such a stir in your mind. Also not sure how you can believe in the “fluidity of one’s sexuality” while simultaneously “not being a fan of bicuriousity”.
Bizarre, I’d say
It;s more tongue-in-cheek than an actual plea for her to come be a lesbian (or bisexual). And I totally believe that one’s sexualtiy is completely fluid, whilst still not being a big fan of bicuriosity – something about being approached in a club by a girl who wants to kiss me to show her boyfriend how adventurous she is isn’t quite high on my thumbs-up list unfortunately. But I see what you mean – perhaps my point wasn’t made too clearly.
I feel that in modern times bicuriousity is often seen more as a fashion statement rather than an actual expression of sexuality. I feel that the way bicuriousity is represented in the media often implies that it is less about sexuality and more about wanting to rebel by being outrageously taboo. Only the irony is that it has become so commonplace it’s no longer a taboo.
I think there are probably a lot of bicurious woman out there that do genuiningly want to explore their sexuality but the whole matter is trivalised and made to look like just a bit of meaningless drunken fun that the men can enjoy. And I think perhaps it is this representation of bisexuality that Devil’s Food Cake is not a fan of? I know I certainly don’t appreciate it as it ‘dumbs down’ female sexual empowerment and exploration. However I’ve nothing against those that are bicurious. After all I certainly was once upon a time. Had I not been curious I never would have discovered my bisexuality.
And just for the record I’ve nothing against those that are curious but discover it’s not for them.