Being Bess

by Blueberry Pie

I christened that day: the day of butterflies.

As I opened the sitting room curtains, I thought it had snowed. Then eyes adjusted, and I noticed that in fact a dense layer of ivory butterflies had settled on the windowsill’s surface.  

It made no sense, but mornings often don’t. As if drugged on sunshine, they lay still, the multitude only occasionally shimmering their wings in a synchronised twitch.  I stood in ceremony with them for at least half an hour, staring at them in awe. I was still in my underwear from the night before, which any neighbour could have noticed. But for that space in time I was enraptured – the host of winged creatures and I stood in respectful silence.

We were asleep by day, and Ivy slept with us in the adjoining bedroom. But then: the familiar click of a lighter. The first drag, and the throng flapped away.

I don’t let people smoke in the flat. Yet I stayed in the sitting room, and freshly burned tobacco filled it. Making no effort to complain, I remained, taking in the smell, remembering Ivy, bit by bit. Brown tousled hair, eagle tattoo on neck, mouth sucking in smoke.

How had this happened? Ivy and I had always looked at each other from across clubs. Or at least, I had looked, and she had occasionally noticed. And now she was in my bed, under my duvet and lying on my sheets…

I crossed the morning-cold floor, painted toenails now scuffed from a night of dancing. Kettle on. The noise of it boiling filled the air like a car engine.

Coffee poured. I picked it up, ready to hand to Ivy, irritated at myself for being so nervous about chatting to someone I had lain next to all night.

I walked into the bedroom – Ivy was already dressed, jacket on and skinnies perched on hips. “Allright Bess? Ah cheers for the coffee. I’m off now babe. See you soon though yeah?”

Two sips, a quick kiss on the cheek and she was gone.

I poured some more coffee and pulled on a dressing down, slumping down into the sofa. My phone buzzed. From Belinda: “Good night? Any goss?”. I could reply later.

Day, the tube and work beckoned, but I was not ready to join them just yet.

[more soon]