Dazed and Confused
Moaning. Groaning. Hands. Lips. Arms wrapped around each other and that smacking sound your mouth makes when saliva meets saliva. You may think I’m talking about a night of sexy times or maybe some kind of skin flick. No. Unfortunately not. This was, in fact, my tube ride to work this morning.
Public displays of affection – a definite no-no or a spectator sport? A kiss goodbye on the train platform or a hug hello at a cafe may not seem like a big deal – it’s sweet, even. But the scenario gets progressively less appealing when you think about the ways people can take it too far. And where there are hormones, there’s a way – I’m quite frankly sick of having to scrunch against a train door or move to the other end of a platform because some over-eager couple can’t wait until they get home to get it on.
OPEN WIDE
Don’t get me wrong – I’m no relationship grinch and I don’t mean to rain on anyone’s parade. But surely – surely – someone must agree with me when I say that playing tonsil hockey with your missus while waiting for your drinks order to arrive, or having your hand up a girl’s shirt in a museum is more than a little gross. And forget about blaming straight people. I fully remember sitting in G-A-Y bar with some friends when a couple sat down next to us. Five minutes later they were heavily petting. Ten minutes later they were horizontal. And fifteen minutes after they sat down, we had to get up for fear of contracting some kind of STI. It was 4 pm.
Now PDAs don’t have to be gross. You can’t blame a girl for sneaking a kiss or five on a midnight dancefloor. And it’s incredibly heart-warming to see a couple walking down the street holding hands – more props to you if you can do it whilst facing down some letch leering ‘LESBIANS’ like it’s a new invention. But there’s a line, people. And I draw it when one of you starts moaning.
aw, well G-A-Y – that place anytime is going to have sex going on in it. seeing sweet gay couples in the street always makes me feel happy (unless i’ve just been dumped or something). it’s only slightly voyeurism.
I am so glad someone has finally written about this, as I must say, really over the top and excessive PDA’s drive me insane. I don’t want to see tonsil tennis played out in front of me if I am sat on a bus, nor do I want to her the smoochy lip smacking sounds either. I also don’t really want to have couples sat right opposite me behaving like they will never see each other again and giving the love starved glances at one another. For goodness sake a small trip into town isn’t exactly a pilgrimage is it? They will get to go home and not see their friends, as well as sit on the sofa, eating cheese and putting on weight – or whatever else they do when they aren’t getting it on but just being a twosome representative of ‘LOVE’ or some b*llocks like that.
I recently had dinner with a couple that were so smoochy at the dinner table in a restaurant that I decided to go outside for a cigarette and when I got up to do so they had the cheek to say I was rude for wanting to go out and smoke! My only decent retort was that I didn’t find co-dependency sexy. They soon stopped and actually engaged in a conversation rather than tonsil tennis.
I know exactly what you mean. I’m really glad my girlfriend hates PDAs of most kinds, but I have friends who fidn it utterly appropriate to start making out whilst in the middle of a conversation. Quite frankly, it’s gross.
Why does PDA always seem to take place when you’ve been dumped, and stuck on a packed Tube in the morning rush…has anyone shared this gut-wrenching experience?
People should be arrested for committing PDA’s. Public Displays of Arousal. Yuksville. Time and a place people, time and a place.
But what would the exhibitions do? Also just think of what those jail cells would look like! Something out of some low quality skin flick I would imagine, as if police officers don’t already have it hard enough!
Seriously though it is pretty disgusting to have to watch the couple in front of you eat each other’s faces. As if you weren’t feeling jaded enough!