Dear Black Forest… Penetrate the matter

Dear Black Forest

I’m a 24 year old lesbian and I have a problem. My girlfriend and I are very much in love and we’ve been together for two-and-a-half years. We have a great sex life and are very imaginative and loving. My problem is that even though we have a great time, I really want her to use a massive dildo on me. I’ve broached the subject before in a jokey way, for fear of being rebuffed, and she’s always made a joke of it and laughed it off. Am I not normal? She’s my first girlfriend and maybe I just don’t know the etiquette for this kind of thing. Please help me!

Shy Dyke, 24, Brighton

Dear Shy Dyke

There are many ways to stop beating around the bush. Maybe next time you find yourself taking a Sunday stroll, you should “casually” find yourself in a classy sex shop in the (massive) dildo aisle. Hey presto, your girlfriend gets a graphic blood rush and then you joke about it, and she jokes about it some more, but you really want it, and she secretly really does too, so you purchase one, and then one thing leads to another! This would work if the problem all along was shyness on both parts, and the thing required was your usual imaginative, loving spirit to come alive.

If, however, your girlfriend is a lesbian sex snob and only likes what she likes, but you’re convinced you can liberate her, then you need to work for her trust and enthusiasm. You could start off with a pillow book and work your way into chapter: Massive Dildo, ease her out of her comfort zone, and communicate (in more ways than one) along the way.

Or: why not play the game where you ask your girlfriend what her deepest fantasy is? Then you can make it come true, and hopefully she will reciprocate.

Lastly, you may need to take the lead and buy the massive dildo and show her how it’s done. Soon enough she’ll want to do what you do to her, and you will get what you want. If it works, and it’s not for her, then at least you’ve tried, and in no time your imagination will come up with another exciting position.