Hasbians: this is not a love-letter

by Spotted Dick

Hasbian
Definition: a woman who once defined as gay but has moved over to the other side of the street (men).
Usage: She once was a lesbian but now is a hasbian. This word doesn’t get used a whole heap as I believe it’s something that the lesbian community would rather not dwell on or talk about much.

It seems that it is a lot more accepted when middle-aged women leave their spouses and sign up to the sapphic army, yes Mary Portas, I’m talking to you, than when it is the other way round, yes Anne Heche, I’m talking to you (we’ll never forgive you for what you did to Ellen).

I write from experience, after a very painful experience with a hasbian. Before, I always would be clear about how “cool” I was with gender fluidity, bisexuality and all the rest. Open-minded was my middle name. Unfortunately, I feel it is something you can only be really comfortable with until it turns up on your doorstep like a big heterosexual grim reaper. It’s a bitter pill to swallow when your lover leaves you for a man, never has your really expensive silicone dildo which you bought together seemed so…inadequate and…inanimate.

The only advice I can give is that although you may feel like you could never compete with a man, he also will never be able to compete with you, and at least you won’t have to bump into them every weekend at the Superstore.

Related: Tuesday Top Ten… Cringe-worthy/Heartfelt TMC coming out stories
Why Don’t You Just Go Out With A Man?
Celesbian power couple Mary Portas and Melanie Rickey just got married: this is why we’re obsessing over them