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Posted April 27, 2012 by in LOVE-LIFE
 
 

Really, Staceyann Chin? Straight girls?

by Devil’s Food Cake

Okay. So not only was this article offensive in the extreme (to straight women, gay women and people with eyes) but I must be the only person in this club that didn’t get the memo, because I have no idea what the big deal about straight girls is. Can someone please explain?

In case nobody knows what I’m talking about, The Guardian apparently ran a little gay special a couple of days ago (this means five articles about gay people or something, I’m not sure, I haven’t seen the print version). As part of this illuminating expose on the lives of homos everywhere, Staceyann Chin, the Jamaican poet and activist, explains why, despite the apparent massive downsides of the experience, “chasing straight women” thrills her.

Possibly the most annoying lines in this article are the following:

1. “The heterosexual terrain of her flesh, untouched by other dyke hands, smacks of the virgin narrative. Who wouldn’t want to be “the first”? Who doesn’t like what feels like a conquest? A win?”

If you think being physically intimate with someone is some kind of competition, you’re doing it wrong. No matter how many toaster ovens you rack up as a result.

2. “More often than not, the crossover is accompanied by confessions of, “I’ve never done this with anyone before.” Or, “I’m not into women, there’s just something about you that makes me want to try this.” Either way, you are the chosen one, the messiah, the mandate that pulls her, magnetic, toward her most hidden desires.”

(!!!) Because we haven’t heard enough of lesbianism stemming from narcissism, and also, we’re all just out to get another convert to our cult. DRINK THE KOOL-AID STRAIGHT LADY.

3. “If you really want a shot at getting close to this woman, you have to wait until there is a crack in the lack of respect her boyfriend has for her. Watch for when he is late, or disrespectful, or inconsiderate. Casually mention that you would never treat a woman like that. Reinforce how she deserves so much better. Store the details. Then wait for him to mess up big. Then, you can tell her that you would never put up with that from a┬áman. Quickly apologise for saying that you think she shouldn’t either. Resist the urge to stroke her brows as her doubts about him begin to fester.”

This article sounds more and more like an excerpt from The Game the further you get into it. Like, ‘here is the Grand Master Plan: trick that straight lady into your bed’.

4. “And though most of us dykes enjoy the time of day they choose to give us [..]”

Why yes, I do in fact spend most of my time sitting around waiting for a straight woman to give me the time of day, because gosh, I couldn’t live without the temporary love and inexperienced groping of a woman who thinks of me as a sexual adventure between boyfriends (or between good days with her boyfriend)*.

This was seriously the only lesbian-focused article.

thanks, staceyann

I promise you that despite its dubious headline, I started reading this article with what I hoped was an open mind – thinking that maybe it was tongue-in-cheek or maybe it was a joke or maybe it would make some actual good points and teach me something. But alas – none of the above. And as a result, the one article the Guardian chose to include that focused solely on women leaves me more than a little cold – it makes lesbians sound like manipulative, sexual predators and turns the whole idea of having a relationship with a straight woman into some kind of fetish – which is kind of gross. Don’t get me wrong – I was “straight” once, and it was falling for a girl – properly falling for her – that made me realise just how gay I really was. But there’s a line between falling for and loving someone who is “straight” and fetishizing their sexuality. Disagree? Imagine if this article had been written by a straight man about lesbians. The fury would be immeasurable – and rightly so.

Additionally, it really does paint gay women as immoral creatures, who, as a friend of mine put it, would put aside their principles all in the name of being with someone who really has no desire to be with them – or only a short-lived desire, or, worse, someone who is merely looking for a temporary replacement when the true object of their affections is unavailable.

AND ALSO can someone please explain to me what the appeal of sleeping with straight women is? Are we all meant to like fumbling around awkwardly and having someone point out we have boobs? Does anyone enjoy having to teach someone else how to have sex? Is it really all about some kind of “virgin territory” power play? (because if it is, that is some fucked-up colonial-era thinking right there).

*I am most definitely not sitting around waiting for some straight woman (or ANY woman) to give me “the time of day”. Are you?

Also see:

Dear Straight Girl: Yes I’m a lesbian, no I don’t want to sleep with you