True friends stab you in the front

by Red Velvet

There are people in this world so dogmatically rigid and fixed in their views that an answer to every dilemma doesn’t need to be second guessed – it is always logical to navigate towards. Then there are those people who usually have a pretty good idea of the pros and cons of any given situation, especially where more complex emotional questions are thrown haphazardly into the proverbial mix. Finally, there are people like me who often don’t have a bloody clue which way to turn, and as SJP turns to her minions over brunch, so I turn to my loyal bevy of besties over email for collective advice so I don’t inadvertently speed towards heartbreak or humiliation.

Take a recent scenario I was faced with: a ‘big ex’ (the break up was far from amicable, the friendship since tentative at best), wanted to move in with myself and our shared best friend, as she was experiencing current girlfriend troubles. In theory I thought this might work, we’re all responsible mature adults and hell, who needs to drag up the past anyway? However the besties’ bevy had other ideas after my fleeting ‘what do you think?’ taster query:

“Thank you for your news. That is possibly the most apocalyptically horrendous idea we have ever come across. In fact words cannot describe how bad an idea that would be. Oh no, we have come up with one that’s slightly worse. Why don’t you have a sex party and invite all your other ex partners? In fact, why not condone bestiality while you’re at it?

On a more serious note: there must be a cogent compromise somewhere? And why, for goodness sake, are you not acknowledging the impact such an event could have on your emotional wellbeing? To make space for good experiences an abundance mindset is crucial. There is one caveat though: drama needs to be removed from the equation. Plus, having ‘the big ex’ in a place where you might see them in a state of undress, where they might bring back some random woman is tantamount to a star performance from the National Lesbian Drama Association (NLDA).

Invariably, it only takes one moody exchange after a hard day’s work to reopen old wounds. We know that you would go out of your way to avoid conflict, but you’ll end up playing small because of it, and such scenarios that are not optimal for your self esteem! If everything was perfectly and honorably resolved between you both, this would be another question entirely.

If you consent to this experience, there are consequences. We frankly do not even want to consider them. Neither should you! How seriously do you value contentment, a centred home life and a space where you feel loved and accepted? Please show some love and regard for yourself and say ‘you have absolutely got to be friggin’ joking!’”

That, readers, is why behind every seemingly sane and rational woman who successfully disguises her indecision, comes a devoted bevy of besties, ignore their wise words at your peril!