Tuesday Top Ten… reasons to walk out on a blind date.

by Devil’s Food Cake

Now, I’ve never actually been on a blind date – there’s just something so nerve-wrecking about presenting yourself to a total stranger and I’m a total wuss – but I can imagine the whole scenario going totally wrong. If you’re brave enough to do it though, kudos to you my friend. Understandably, there are certain dealbreakers for all of us. Not so sure? Here are ten reasons I would call a date a night….

1. You seem to speak two different languages – and in hers, ‘deodorant’ doesn’t translate.

2. Four words: tracksuit bottoms in public.

3. She asks if you’re into scat. Or rainbow kisses (if you don’t know, don’t ask).

4. You ask what her favourite book is and she says ‘Cosmo’.

5. She offers you a key to her flat in the first ten minutes.

6. She throws up on your shoes. Or lap. Or general vicinity.

7. She asks if you would mind if her boyfriend joins you later.

8. She thinks the shirts that say ‘Nobody Knows I’m A Lesbian’ are hilarious.

9. She spends most of the evening wiping at her nose, then offers you coke under the table.

10. She proudly announces her membership of the BNP. NEXT.

Disclaimer: My girlfriend says I’m an elitist bitch for my reasons so perhaps one should take this with a grain of salt. She also thinks that ‘Vogue’ is a book, so perhaps I need to reconsider my options.