Tuesday Top Ten… things to do with Dental Dams
by Petit Fours
If anything suggests that the heterosexual establishment still doesn’t ‘get’ lesbians, it’s dental dams. (And film scripts as Florentine points out so eloquently, but back to the issue in hand – or in mouth rather). These rectangles of flexible latex are used either in dental operations or, according to certain public health authorities, during gay sex. Really? Um no. Not really. You expect me to cover my mouth in thick clingfilm before I do that? Has anyone ever used a dental dam outside of a sexual health publication? Not that I know of.
I mean these things don’t even work very well for dental operations, as Wikipedia points out: “Routine use of dental dams is not always appropriate because of some difficulties: for instance communication with the patient is significantly reduced and the patient may feel restricted.”
So that’s fine to use in gay sex why? Because we’re so ashamed by our unnatural lust we don’t want to communicate with our partner in lascivity?
I don’t want to take down a genuinely well-meant piece of safe sex paraphernalia – I mean the thought behind dental dams is to reduce the transmission of STDs right, but because nobody fucking uses them or knows where the hell to get them or particularly wants to go around looking like an extra from ‘Plastic Mouth Zombies’ or ‘I Tried To Eat Some Stiff Rubbery Cling-Film and It Got Stuck In My Mouth’ during an intimate moment, dental dams are obviously not proving to be very helpful and they are taking up space in publications that could be better spent on, I don’t know, whatever else makes sex safe. Or better.
Of course there are all shades of opinion, check out this forum on the usefulness of dental dams, but that’s my shade of opinion right there.
Anyway say you do get your hands on one of these rectangles of flexible latex, and perhaps you are not indulging in sexual intercourse or perhaps you just don’t want to use it during sex. What to do? We’ve come up with ten creative uses for spare dental dams:
- It looks like clingfilm – so use it like clingfilm, wrap perishable goods in this convenient waterproof coating.
- Take it to your next dentist appointment. Maybe she can use it in an operation with you. At least they can add it to their stock of dental dams and save themselves some money on their dental dam budget. Surely they’ll be grateful to receive it.
- As a fairground game: At my university LBGT society we had a gay fair one year, where lots of gay stuff happened in a fair-like setting. Anyway one thing that almost happened was “bobbing for dental dams” like you do with apples. We ended up not doing that but I stand by the opinion that it would be great.
- As a Halloween costume: dental dams are practically a whole costume in themselves. Go as the unfinished dental operation or the lesbian tragically killed half-way through performing safe oral sex
- Replacement glass: it’s waterproof, flexible, sort of see-through this would be great for patching up a broken window or maybe used in multiple colours it could have a stained-glass effect.
- Some sort of Blue Peter style construction, you could roll a couple up to make columns then have a flat one as roof and you’ve got a house right?
- For gift-wrapping individual macaroons.
- Make latex origami – more waterproof than the paper sort.
- For freaking out gay men. If there’s one sure-fire way to freak out gay men it’s chatting about vulvas; flapping a dental dam will add to the whole effect. Gay boys are supposed to use dental dams too – for rimming, but I doubt they do.
- For encouraging safer sex in the heterosexual community. They do oral sex too surely? It’s not all missionary in the hetero world if what I read on the internet is to be believed. I severely doubt that the NHS offers them enough dental dams to keep them adequately protected. So offer them out to your hetero friends and do your bit to keep your straight friends’ sex nice and hygenic.
Inspired.
Really Papi? Really??
Dear Petit Fours,
You leave me no choice but to rant away.
Seriously. This is an incredibly irresponsible thing to publish on a website about lesbian and queer culture. I’m all for the list of alternate uses – in fact, I may incorporate a dam or two into my next Halloween costume (I’ll be going as Lady Gaga) – but in fact, if anything suggests that lesbians still don’t ‘get’ safer sex, it’s you claiming that dental dams aren’t being used, and are nothing more than a nuisance at that.
Your suggestion that the provision of dental dams is evidence of some heterosexist notion of ‘unnatural’ queer lust is… well, paranoid. And really stupid. I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you were kidding. Furthermore, you make it exceedingly obvious that you don’t even know how to use one! FYI, they don’t go in your mouth, they go over what you’re licking.
Have we seen them elsewhere? Um, “Hard Love & How To Fuck In High Heels”, anyone?
Where to get them? Any and every gay/lesbian health centre in London.
Do people use them? Not according to you. Should their use be encouraged? Hell yes, which is the exact opposite of what this article does.
Petit Fours, please watch some DIY queer porn, educated yourself about STIs, and realise that safer sex, i.e. the act of ensuring your partner’s wellbeing whilst ensuring their pleasure, is really. Fucking. Hot. Then sit down and write something that neither disseminates horridly false information nor promotes the potential endangerment of yourself and your community.
Until then: Really, Papi? Really?!
I kind of agree with both sides – sexual health is really important, but the problem is that dental dams are so poorly designed and poorly thought up – the things are thicker than a condom, even though the activities you use them for are far less physically ‘rough’. I was going to write a flippant comment about how unsexy dams are, and though they’re useful, in that they’re basically the only items of protection woman who sleep with women are afforded, they are far from perfect. I think Petit Fours is being more tongue-in-cheek than serious about the crappiness of dental dams, but she highlights an important point about the damned things, namely that they are so poorly conceived. In fact, if you are concerned as such about sexual health, a better option is to take a latex glove, cut off the fingers (not the thumb) then cut it in half from the side away from the thumb. that way, you can insert the thumb portion of the glove into your partner, and use the rest of the glove the way you would a dental dam, folding it over your partner’s parts. The latex is thinner, so your partner (and you) feel more, which enhances the whole experience I guess, and you’re less impeded in terms of what you can do.
OK, perhaps the “heterosexual establishment” have not come up with the most credible option, but surely as gay women we should be delighted that they have even considered that we have physical relations.
If you consider the past, there was a time where it was considered that only gay men required safe sex products i.e. condoms- there was clearly no thought into gay women needing help and advice on sexual health.
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but endorsing the perception that gay women consider themselves above the problem of STDs and don’t participate in safe sex is a little misleading.
Suggesting that nobody knows where to get one of these “dams” from is blatantly wrong, they’ve actually been available (in various flavours at that!) for a number of years from women’s sex shops (including Devils Food Cake’s latex gloves in packs of 10).
Furthermore, the dentist dam restricts the patient from being able to communicate orally. Sexual dams don’t prevent you from speaking and communicating with your partner in that sense as you don’t put the dam in your mouth but place it over those intimate, sexual, desirables. That does not prevent you from communicating in a lustful way with your partner.
I also feel as though you’ve taken the purpose of a dental dam completely out of context and have gone on a tangent of assuming that the suggestion of using this in the gay world is suppressing and therefore acceptable. I sometimes feel as though gay people have a huge, defensive chip on their shoulder where they think that every innocent comment is attacking or condemning gay people.
It might appear to be a naïve or even ignorant design to some who may not appreciate the product, but hell I’m glad they are even drawing the attention to the fact that yes, even gay women can get STDs!
Here’s an idea- how about the actual gay community come up with designs of sexual instruments that would be more suited instead of bitching and moaning about those products conceived by a seemingly heterosexual community who are probably unaware of how women actually have sex with other women?
This was amewwwsing, but perhaps a follow-up article could enlighten us on lesbian (and other women who sleep w/women) STD rates. I haven’t read any statistics since an article in Diva years ago alleging that all was safe on the unprotected-sex front, and as seeing as none of use dams (apparently – from my experience as well as Petit Fours’) maybe we need to arm ourselves with knowledge.
It would be interesting to see statistics but it is very easy to catch the herpes virus. Especially through oral sex. I know people that have had nasty experiences “down there” that they weren’t aware of until they actually investigated that area!
P.s- forgot to add that with one night stands and so forth- you don’t know where that person’s been, whom they’ve been with, how clean they are etc etc. I’m not just talking about a bit of tongue on clit action, but there are plenty of people that don’t wash their hands properly or at all and if you’re going to let someone insert things into particularly vulnerable areas then really you’re inviting all sorts of infections.
ok – hands up – thanks for pointing out that dental dams are in fact widely available in sexual health clinics @custard and @dramarama. I actually discovered last night that I had one in my room contrary to all my previous expectations. and yes it was actually from a sexual health clinic. So i hope that stands corrected.
but basically this was a flippant opinion piece – NB: **not to be taken in place of medical advice under any circumstances**. maybe dental dams… like recent death… is one of those topics you shouldn’t be flippant about.. weeelll….
I suppose my main gripe is that heterosexual people don’t ever think they have to wear them and no-one goes around offering them to them. but then i suppose as a group they proabably suffer more STIs sooo… that’s not great.
@custard – i am aall in favour of designing our own sexual instruments. pls email contact@themostcake.co.uk with suggestions. maybe in diagram form?
@foxtrot but yeah fair point, it’s a big issue and we’ll aim to get a less opinionated, more medically-grounded article in the works hopefully with some relevant stats.
At a Burning Man lesbian orgy last summer, there was a caddy on hand to pass out dental dams, condoms (for strap-ons), lube and disinfectant wipes. I called for a caddy as a gorgeous girl beside me started giving me the eye. When I asked for a dental dam, she whispered that she was glad I was being safe, because she’s a sex worker.
Ay yi yi.
Bless that dental dam. It worked like a charm, never tasted anything but synthetic parts.
Admittedly, I was less dedicated to them later in the night with a married teacher, for example, but in that first instance, it made sex possible. I’m a fan.
@dental dam fan – blimey. that sounds like a conversion experience alright.
ok, I’ve never used one or even heard of anyone who has, but I’m going to voice my support for being safe at an orgy! Holy crap dental dam fan! Good on you!
Good article. Drinking and texting is also a potentially dangerous thing to do, but hey, where’s the fun in always playing safe?
If any one broke one of those bad boys out mid way through the throws of foreplay passion, me and my hard-on would be long gone. Probably because I’m an asshole though.
Don’t forget that you can also use cling film. As long as it’s not microwave-safe, because as everyone knows, that has little holes in it. Or you can cut a condom open and use that. AND, after having a little chat about this topic (look- you have provoked discussion amongst ordinary lesbians! Feel fulfilled…) we realised that they are essential if you choose to go down on someone who happens to erm… have the painters in. Unless vampire is your preferred look. Which, of course, no-one should judge you for either.
Rach: For actualz, let’s not forget that the practice of unsafe sex is not only dangerous to you, but you’re also potentially putting your partner in harm’s way, since a good portion of STIs are asymptomatic (which is why we call them STInfections, not STDiseases, nowadays), i.e. a lot of people have them without knowing it. I would argue that drinking and texting (?) really only endanger one person, namely the person who’s doing them, and are therefore not really on a par with the stupidity of unsafe sex.
Dundee Cake, lolz at the “vampire look” – I swear there’s an official term for this? It’s out there, somewhere. Also, that’s blood we’re talking about. Muchos more dangerous, so I agree that dams do become “essential” beyond just the more, um, obvious reasons.
This is an amusing and an informative thread I must say. The more safe sex the better I say, but it seems like such a kill joy for me, that I’d rather take the long route and wait till I’m sure about a girls hygeine history, and most definately take her and myself for and STI test before we sleep together! but still I am irresponsible I admit for simply relying on my intuition and personal cues.
I am curious now, to use one though…I don’t like the vampire look! or have a fetish for ‘rainbow kissing’ – I think that’s the term ;-)..so could be handy…maybe if more of used them we could dispel the myth and really get creative with them and have safer sex too! Chocolate dental dam anyone ? Now look what you’ve started Petis Four – for the better of course, I’m just that bit wiser on dental dams after your article and the comments…keep em going!
It’s a shame they aren’t made out of silicon as they would make a great baking sheet liner!
Drams – you are right. I’ll take the slap on the slap on the slap on the wrist and slap on the ‘dam from now on.. though I might add, drink/txting can ruin a plethora of lives.. I wholeheartedly advise against it at all times.
nice post. thanks.
Dental dams are accepted for rimming but not for vag