I’ve rejigged the wording so it better highlights the point I was trying to put across! :)

I just wanted to shed light on the pressures on women who do identify themselves as bisexual as opposed to gay (as it is not always understood to be an all encompassing word). I wanted to reply as I am concerned that articles that catergorise people like this, can unavoidably lead to stereotyping. I agree with you that ultimately mutual understanding is necessary in all kinds of respectful relationships.

As a bisexual myself I know exactly what your talking about and believe me that was not my intention!

Firstly, I use the terminology gay in an all encompassing way meaning both lesbian and bisexual women although I can understand that that might not be clear. Secondly what I meant was that this particular girl is not even admitting to herself that she is attracted to women, but rather chooses to identify herself as heterosexual. It is the ‘straight’ woman that refers to herself as ‘so not gay’ rather than any form of judgement passing from the lesbian community as to whether or not she is gay enough.

This scenario isn’t about bisexuals who are polyamorous but rather women who are either in denial or else count themselves as heterosexual regardless. My point being if you want to avoid heartbreak then its best not to get emotionally invested. Oh the other hand if you’re just there for the good times then I’m not going to criticise!

The most successful relationships are those that are built on mutual understanding.

The comment seen above is:

‘Ok so you actually are having sex, great sex in fact, but only on the side because she has an amazing boyfriend whom she loves very much and will never leave and anyway she’s “so not gay”. She might actually be bisexual, but if she can’t even admit that to herself then clearly she is far too comfortable with her heterosexual lifestyle to ever come out of the closet. Leave her there.’

This comment may have been based on a personal experience, perhaps the quote marks indicate the comment ‘so not gay’ was made by a particular woman, however the author has successfully put across a generalising statement about bisexual women in hetrosexual relationships.

I am not arguing that every non-gay woman a lesbian may get involved with is not messing someone around, but I feel there needs to be more acceptance of bisexual women and their lifestyle. ‘Sticky toffee’ claims that by being with a man, means that a bisexual is ‘in a closet’. What if she is in open relationships? (which some bisexual women are in, due to the demands of their sexual needs, and their view that they don’t need to live according to convention- come on lesbians this idea of not living in a way dictated by convention isn’t new to you). If she is actually having sex with you, she may well be in an open relationship. And if you know she won’t leave her boyfriend, but you engage in sex with her, you really can’t blame her or accuse her of not admitting her sexuality to herself or teasing you.

Coming out as gay to my lesbian friends would have been a lot easier than coming out as bisexual. Once I was more open and confident about my bisexuality, they may have shagged or flirted with me as a response, but I wasn’t ‘one of them’ anymore. I have found that for women who believe in having the most cake, they sure won’t accept a woman whose got her cake and will eat it.

Perhaps in forging an identity for themselves, certain lesbians reject bisexual women. They can’t label them and dislike their lack of convention. I wait for the day that I can feel proud to be bisexual- it doesn’t mean that I am confused about my sexuality, and it doesn’t make me a sexual predator. There is enough prejudice from main stream society with the likes of ‘Katy Perry’ selling to the masses, lesbians- stop judging bisexual women and start accepting that we’re here and we’re more than queer.