Bluffin’ with her muffin: the bisexual charms of Lady Gaga

By Petit Fours

Yes I’m slow, but it was an utter revelation to me that Lady Gaga’s popelectro hit Poker Face was about having sex with a girl.

I knew she was bisexual, but I didn’t know she sang about it and from the way she says poker all the time I thought this song was about poker. But no! according to none other than Perez it’s about her having sex with a guy and wanting to be with a girl.

I won’t tell you that I love you
Kiss or hug you
Cause I’m bluffin’ with my muffin
I’m not lying I’m just stunnin’ with my love-glue-gunning

Of course, other sources on the internet suggest those poetic lyrics are just about non-gender specific oral sex. And I’m sure someone somewhere probably thinks it’s about the bread-like snackfood called muffins. But Lady Gaga’s attraction to women isn’t like “oh hi can I take your number?” it’s “purely physical” no-strings lust, according to Rolling Stone anyway. Well Lady Gaga has just created her own new category of famous bisexual. Say hello to the electropopstar-bisexual-with-plastic-hair-and-no-underwear-who-just-wants-to-fuck-you-in-an-emotion-free-one-nighter.

Sorry to everyone who hates boxing people up and labelling them, I had to do it. It solely applies to Lady Gaga, though Katy Perry is in a similar box nearby. Katy has a long way to go to catch up: she just wants to kiss you after all, though the gist is the same:

No, I don’t even know your name
It doesn’t matter,
You’re my experimental game

Charming. No muffins there, but no long-term let’s get an apartment and meet the parents options either.

Well I appreciate bisexuals who just want sex. One of the many silly myths you get told about sexuality as a kid is that women don’t actually fancy each other, they just get emotionally attached easily, and want long chats about their feelings, because they’re soft and like cuddling etc etc.

Well Lady Gaga sure puts paid to that one.

More Gaga wisdom about female sexuality can be seen in this hilarious interview she did with some timorous strait-laced Norwegian entertainment journalist who asked if her sexuality scared people. Gaga’s response: “I’m not scared. Are you scared?” She then launches into an amazing feminist rant about her sex drive. She then denies it’s feminist. Oh well. We rate you anyway Gaga.

And you can come over if you want. No strings babe.