TMC Interview: Uffie on new tracks, cheesecake and broken teeth

by Fairy Cake, photographs by Holly Falconer

Before this interview, and despite previous convictions for being an utter, utter fangirl, I had pretty much convinced myself that I was going to hate Uffie.  As far as jealousy  goes, I’m a regular Bruce Banner, and one Google of this girl would be enough to send even the nicest girl running to the bathroom in Hulky shirt-tearing envy.

At the tender age of 22, she’s spat on tracks penned by everyone from Crystal Castles to Justice.  Her ridiculously pretty face has graced the pages of i-D, Dazed and Confused and Elle magazine.  She’s just finished cutting a single with hip-pop heartthrob Pharrel Williams. And, prior sitting down with Sticky Toffee and I at the Hoxton Hotel in Old Street, she’d spent the evening drenched in designer and DJing for Gucci.  This is a woman who is one Chihuahua and a lobotomy away from being an It Girl, and the cakes were more than a little scared at the prospect of meeting her.

Imagine our frustration when we realised, she is actually really fucking lovely.  TMC expected a diva.  In truth, we got a terribly sweet, if slightly sleepy lady who really just wanted a cheeseburger.

Uffie’s desperately awaited LP, “Sex Dreams and Denim Jeans”, splashes down on May 31st, featuring collabs with previously mentioned super-producers, as well as appearances from Uffie’s ex-squeeze Feadz, and cuddly toy affiliate Mr Ozio.  Between spinning for superstars and getting ready for her impossibly-banging live show at the Coronet (seriously, you have to see her live.  I think I sweated out two internal organs but it felt amazing), Little Miss Uff took some time out to talk to little old TMC.

So, your last single, “MCs can Kiss” basically revolved around you telling several emcees that they could kiss your bottom.  So, we’re gonna give you a list of rappers, and we want to know whether they can kiss your ass, or your face…

Ooh a fun one!  Yay!

Ok – Jay Z?

Face.

50-Cent?

Face.

Face?  Really?  Ok…Mos Def?

Ok.  Change 50-Cent to ass, and you can give Mos Def my face.

Missy?

Face!

Eminem?

Face.

Busdriver.

Ergh.  Ass.

Mike Skinner?  Face or ass?

I don’t know – it’s a toss up.  Face or ass..?  Thigh?

What about Lady Sovereign?

Erm… she’s kinda disappeared so ass.

And finally, Snoop Dogg?

Face, for sure.  Though he’s an ass man.  I’m like a slut on this quiz; there was only one ass in there.

Thank you for playing  stupid games with us.  So – we’re pretty friggin’ white at TMC.  Can Uffie give us any tips on how to be more ‘gangster’?

It’s all ‘bout the chains!  Hmm… give it lots of attitude, and basically don’t care about anything. Gangsters don’t care what people think.  I mean, I don’t think of myself as that ‘gangster’.  I don’t like shoot anybody or anything.  I think mine’s more of a punk attitude than a gangster attitude.  Letting your free flag fly y’know?

You’ve said yourself that you’re very ‘into it’ on stage.  What’s the worst injury you’ve sustained?

This tooth is fake. *points at tooth* It was kinda like a double whammy.  I was in Australia, and the gap between the stage and the crowd was massive, but the audience seemed closer than they really were and… anyway… my knee was all black and swollen and I knocked this tooth out.  It was pretty rough.  I was in Australia, walking ‘round with no tooth.

Did you strike up conversation with any inbreds?

Nope. I pretty much just looked like a crack head.

Has Uffie ever had a day job?

Uh-uh.  I’ve been doing this since I was 17.

So what would you be doing now were it not for the music?

I don’t know.  When I was a kid, I wanted to be a ballerina.  And then a dentist.  But school isn’t really for me, neither is sitting at a desk.  Maybe something in fashion?  Definitely something, y’know, creative, ‘cause I can’t just sit there.

Just indulge us for a minute; if you had to kiss any girl in the world, who would she be and why?

Hmmm. *Uffie takes a very long time to deliberate*  I mean, there are two choices.  Either Angelina Jolie, because she has an amazing mouth, and it’s legendary.  Everyone wants to kiss it.  Or Katy Perry.  To see if she really does kiss girls.  I doubt she does.

If you could impart one tip for looking fly…because you always do…

Not today I don’t!  Hmm.   At the moment,  it’s all about mixing classy things and trashy things, y’know?.  Like, if you have trashy boots and a trashy jacket, having a nice little pretty dress to go with them.  You gotta strike the right balance though.

So far, pretty much all of your collabs have been with guys.  Any girl-on-girl action on the horizon?  Ladies you’d like to work with?

Well, I think Gwen Stefani’s awesome.  Missy is awesome.  It’s not that I purposely work with men, it’s just they’re always there.  They’re the ones I hang out with.  I’m more of a boy than a girl really – I’m definitely not a girly-girl at all.  In all my relationships, the guys seem to think that I’m more of a guy than they are.  I’m not into all that frilly shit.

*unrelated conversations ensues about Fairy Cake’s Girls Aloud t-shirt.  Uffie says she think it’s awesome.  Fairy Cake blushes like a twat.*

Why should we be excited about the new record?

Because it’s awesome! It’s really exciting, because everything I’ve released so far has been so clubby.  On this record, the songs go a little deeper.  You can listen at home – it’s not made directly for a club scenarios.  It’s a whole new side to me.  People will see I have depth.

So, on top of promoting the new record, you had a baby last year too!  How the heck do you manage being a mummy with all this going on?

Well…I don’t think anymore!  If you think, then you’ll probably go “Oh my God, what am I doing??”.  Xanax helps!  I’m kidding.  I have a wife at home.  She’s a Philippino lady who does my laundry and cooks and takes care of my baby when I’m not home.  She has saved my life.  Before I found her it was fucking impossible, trying to find someone to take her when I was away.  It’s all about balance.  I get up early in the morning now – I see a lot more daylight.  I’m doing alright.  Always look forward, y’know?

What do you think of the fashion over here?

It’s wild… it’s really out-there.  I used to spend every weekend in London until I got kicked out because of the whole Visa thing.  But yeah, the fashion is really crazy.  It’s super bright.  I love Henry Holland and Vivienne Westwood.

And last but not least, if Uffie was a cake, what cake would she be?

Cheesecake.  I love cheesecake.  Just plain, yummy cheesecake.