Comments on: A mother always knows

By: dietfanta

dietfanta — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 20:28:23 +0000

“The idea that you can only really be true to yourself if you project everything you are to everyone you know doesn’t suit everyone.”

Absolutely true. But you do need it somewhere – where you can project everything you are to at least one person you know – if only for sanity’s sake!

As close as you’ve described your relationship with your mother, I’m guessing that’s how you envision your (eventual) situation with her. There are two people involved here, so you have to look at both sides – Would the woman who raised you and seems to know you intuitively be more hurt by your deceit, or your truth? And is it too frustrating (at present and for the future progression of your relationship with her) for you to withhold that information?

If your answers to all those questions weren’t immediately ‘yes’, then you’ve got time. Lay some baby blocks to ease the eventual dialogue. But as whoever said above, it’s not an immediate process in any way. If you’ve got the feeling it might take years, maybe that’s a good reason to start early…

By: quicksilver

quicksilver — Sat, 28 Nov 2009 19:03:29 +0000

to Sticky Toffee Pudding
– same here! Minus tolerance of gay people in general – when I said one of my friends was gay, my mum proceeded to brainwash me that they must be extremely confused, implying that she doesn’t believe in the concept of homosexuality at all. Am i coming out to her any time soon? Nooope…But when I do, it ain’t gonna be pretty.

And you’re right – one’s identity is not solely defined by their sexuality. In fact, it doesn’t matter much at all, but it matters a whole load to homophobic people – often they judge you instantly if they know you’re not straight, so sometimes it’s much better of they don’t know.

By: A Cake of Some Variety

A Cake of Some Variety — Sat, 28 Nov 2009 11:57:27 +0000

With fear of this sounding like a Just 17 problem page, you really need to reassess this situation, potato cake.

From what you’ve said, it sounds like your mother is dying for you to tell her about your sexuality. Her dropping hints is the easiest way for her to approach the situation, she hopes that at some time you will break your self induced silence and tell her the truth. From what you’ve said, it can’t be easy for her to ask her daughter outright “Are you gay?”. For her to even know which ‘box’ to place you in: gay, lesbian, bisexual??? – not easy!

I waited what seemed like an eternity to tell my mother and we were by no means as close as it sounds you two are. I too am hardly butch but I knew nothing was going to change and this was me (I quite arrogantly thought she will have to like it or lump it). No matter how long it took, I knew she would have to come round eventually. I went off, had a great old time (a great old time)!! and let her deal with it. We always lived within 2 miles of eachother yet wouldn’t speak for months at a time.

Your ma may need years to be okay with it and treat you like your siblings (my mother took 4 whole years, before I could mention a girlfriend) but isn’t is better to start that process sooner rather than later? Your life will be easier because of it. No more prowling around eachother sniping and bait biting (or not). Who needs that?

It may seem like I am being idealistic and overly worthy, I’m not, you’re by no way in the minority and maybe if you look at it differently…I’m just saying.

Now if I could just apply this gung ho attitude to revealing my real secret – I smoke!

Pathetic!

By: yum

yum — Fri, 27 Nov 2009 22:09:20 +0000

I thought my mum knew all along.
I was so sure the whole family is just kindly waiting for me to decide to tell them.

well.

they had no idea.

all the hints I thought they were obviously and warmly throwing my way,
were my wishful thinking :)

good luck girls.
you will love sharing un,happy moments with your mums.
and they will have tears in the corners of their eyes first time hearing
what they’ve never heard before and will understand why they didn’t.

By: potato cake

potato cake — Fri, 27 Nov 2009 12:56:54 +0000

To Sticky Toffee Pudding:

This is EXACTLY how it is between myself and my Mum. She definitely has that sixth sense that you speak of. I’m also the youngest of four and as I am ‘The Baby’ and she’s the baby of her family, we’ve always had a very strong connection (I’m sure that she can read my mind). The thing is, I’m an incredibly private and independent person and so I’ve never been able to let her ‘mother’ me like she does the others. She’s definitely aware that I’m ‘different’ to the others (hmmm, different, that’s one way of putting it…) and she often makes comments about how secretive I am.
I have absolutely no intention of telling her about my sexuality for all the same reasons that you mentioned above but I know there will come a time when questions will be asked as to why I’ve never had a boyfriend etc. (being very feminine makes this a particularly tricky one to avoid). I know my Mum will never ask me directly if I’m gay. Oh no, she’s very crafty like this so she will make little comments and drop hints here and there to test my reaction. But of course I won’t bite the bait and so I’ll be equally vague in my reaction or reply. I’m sure that with her Magical Mummy Psychic Powers she will figure it out for herself but for now and for the foreseeable future I fully intend to shut up and put up.