Lets all just eat the yoghurt

The Advantages of being Gay #1: When straight women talk about yoghurt

by Petit Fours

I guess you could call it rude, but one of the times I’m really glad I’m gay is when straight women start having conversations about the number of calories in yoghurt, and I can play the gay card fast and get the fuck out of that conversation, before they get onto bread.

Lets all just eat the yoghurt

Don’t get me wrong!

I love yoghurt – I can be quite boring about it too. I like to talk about its flavours. And I love straight women – a lot of them, a lot.

It’s just those conversations about diets and whether someone looks good that I kind of baulk out of occasionally. I roll my eyes around, gaze perplexed into the middle distance and if someone makes the mistake of addressing a comment my way I’ll hold my hands up, protest that I’m a lesbian and that I can’t possibly judge whether Kara is a size 8 or a 10, that I have no opinion about Rachel’s Organic Dairy products, that everybody looks fine and why don’t we all JUST EAT THE FUCKING YOGHURT.

I do the same with boys if they start talking about football. I just like to have it all ways.

I’ve had two reactions to this from my straight friend and sister (shout-out!) who both told me off for this – making two valid points:

Katherine told me that I can’t use my sexuality to get out of boring conversations – “you just have to suffer them like the rest of us!”

And my sister roundly told me not to hang around with boring people if I didn’t want to have boring conversations in the first place.

None of my best, funny, great straight friends talk about the calories in yoghurt. Or not in front of me anyway. Possibly because they’re afraid I’ll loon out and start throwing yoghurt everywhere. They’re right to fear that.

I suppose if I were to bring some journalistic value to this blog post, I’d say that it shows up something about how hetero culture leaves women more vulnerable to advertising messages about their bodies. Even my podgy male friends never talk to me about yoghurt. I guess all that needs to be said about this can be found in this great picture story – women smiling, alone with yoghurt – a gallery of stock advertising photos.

Related: How to fail at being a lesbianWhy lesbians are the new handbags: Sunday Times Style Magazine tips us as this summer’s hot accessory

14 thoughts on “The Advantages of being Gay #1: When straight women talk about yoghurt”

  1. Totally totally agree. Although in my case, I switch off completely when they start talking about marriage and babies. Mainly babies. And the prospect of having them. And how they’re going to give up the careers that they’ve barely (in some cases haven’t yet) started.

  2. Happy birthday, Dundee Cake!

    Also, have you seen that Sarah Haskins video on yoghurt? It’s part of a series she used to do for Current.tv called ‘Target: Women’ and it is hilarious. Google it. Some very astute observations about yoghurt advertisements and women who wear grey sweatshirts and are constantly eating fucking yoghurt.

  3. I like to add lard to my yoghurt, in front of straight colleagues, to emphasise the point.

  4. I guess you could call it rude, but one of the times I’m really glad I’m straight is when gay women start having conversations about the number of converse in Dalston Superstore, and I can play the straight card fast and get the fuck out of that conversation, before they get onto Le Tigre.

  5. on the flip-side i guess – I can’t use my sexuality to get out of those lesbian conversations about bicycles.

    unless i’m like “shit – i need to go mix some yoghurt with lard! and eat it! immediately!”
    .. haven’t tried that

  6. @Roszser – haha yes fair enough.
    everyone has their own special way of being boring…

    I guess i was trying to scratch at the surface of something about female body image and those slightly self-destructive, obsessive unresolvable conversations that don’t really have much of a link to reality.. I think lezers are a bit more insulated from that kind of pressure.
    while men talking about football is just boring.
    suppose this has something to do with FEMINISM. maybe i should look into that

  7. Thanks DFC…
    If we’re going to extend this beyond gay/breeder territory, when the boys start talking about work incessantly when we’re in the pub (or actually in any dull conversation with boys) I tend to say “Oh I do love little kittens… they’re so soft… and furry…” as in http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LS37SNYjg8w which I like to think of as reverse-psychology-feminism. Which also acts as a conversation changer.

  8. Um, I don’t see what diets have to do with sexuality. I know the calorific content of most yoghurts (granted, I don’t talk about it) and I’m gay. Just saying.

  9. This is interesting. I originally started writing a comment about how this all sounded a bit ‘straighty hatey’ to me, and that all this was completely separate from sexuality. But now I’m a bit torn.

    I never used to bang on about yogurt, but I was definitely negatively influenced by all the body image shit I read in the straight-orientated press. I love a bit of trash, but when I really got objective about it, it was all so horrible and shouty… ‘get a boyfriend, do your goddamn hair, wear this dress to cover up how fat you are’. I think the female queer press tend to be on the whole more progressive, more friendly to women, and less consumption-obsessed. Even DIVA mag, who I’m not a huuuge fan of, make a point of including loads of different looking women in their fashion campaigns, and avoid telling readers what they should and shouldn’t do with their bodies.

    More mag is particularly awful. Just so misogynistic and gross.

    Having said this, I do think that most of this stuff affects most women. I’m sure I’ve had lots of dull conversations about food, and I know many lesbians who have too. Eating-wise, gay women are just as likely to have EDs as straight women (though that’s more to do w/ mental health I guess). It’s not really orientation specific I feel – but I think if women consumed gay-only media, they might not be subjected to as much scrutiny.

  10. @Fairy Cake

    I’m currently recovering from anorexia. Whilst I agree with your views on straight mags, I’m sure I would I would have still developed my ED if I had been exposed only to gay media…

  11. Haha how about saying something like… oo you know sometimes lady’s can taste like yoghurt. You know if they eat a lot if it.

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