Why Do We Go To the Joiners?
by Petit Fours
It’s 2am, the generic east-end club night you’re at is closing, suddenly you know – almost instinctively – you are going to the Joiners, even though the functioning part of your vodka fuzzled brain rebels.
It’s an illogical move.
Why, I reason with myself, am I about go to a club filled with sweaty gay men, their straight best girlfriends and a fine mist of beer, perspiration and semen? Statistically speaking, I know I am more likely to get hit on by a straight man than a lesbian*, and more likely to lose my coat.** I am less likely to come out at 4.15am thinking “wow, I’m glad I went there” than “why the fuck am I here again and why is my hair sticky?”.
This is what the Joiners Arms looks like in the day. At night it just looks sort of black
But I go to the Joiners of course, quite often. With no more success than on any previous occasion.
Reasons not to go to the Joiners:
Last time someone spilt a pint over my t-shirt
You get jostled by boys making out with each other
You get jostled by people on ketamine
You are unable to stand still without being jostled
Knowledge that “lesbian corner” in Joiners is a figment of my imagination and not a real phenomenon
I know that this last-ditch attempt to pull a hot girl will result in a) failure, b) getting even drunker, c) existential crisis at the bus stop, d) getting home, alone, at 5am.
Sometimes you have to queue
Reasons I do go to the Joiners:
It’s free
It’s open late. No-one’s quite sure how late, that’s how late it is
Some of the gay boys are really beautiful. I can still appreciate their pretty good looks in a non-sexual way
I still hold out hope for lesbian corner (it’s by the cloakroom, in my head), and occasionally there are other lesbians
I’m dez/ Hope Springs Eternal in the Human Breast
According to flickr, thanks billa, these girls go to the Joiners. I have never seen them
*true statistics
** I have lost so much stuff in gay clubs
[picture credits: speedygonzalez, Ewan-M and billa]
You made me wanna go there again, a very spot-on article! My last attempt at lesbian spotting and pulling (with success as for the former) at The Joiners was last August. I HAVE missed it. Thanks for reminding me of great memories from last summer… :)
You described exactly what I feel when I go there. Minus the missing clothing. Well, at least that I can remember….
Joiners owes me 1 x debit card. FML
The Joiners owe me:
i) my soul
ii) my liver
iii) The memory section of my brain
iv) My dignity
That place is a black hole. Once you get sucked in, you never remember how you made it out alive, let alone home.
“Knowledge that “lesbian corner” in Joiners is a figment of my imagination and not a real phenomenon”
Hahaha.
All this sounds rather a lot like a gay version of Kambar in Cambridge. I NEED TO GO.
i am a bit worried. i have just gone past the Joiners tonight (22h) and not only was it dead but it was empty and white inside??? is it being refurbished (good news) or closed down??? sundays are their best night too, so i am doubly confused by what i saw. Help? x
Worrying… Can anyone shed any light?
On the plus side, Coffee At on Brick Lane has a lesbian corner seemingly all the time. No- really.
oh yeah, this little musicmakers thang (http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/event.php?eid=266511681321&ref=mf) was supposed to be goin on last night. maybe they decided to do the painting instead.
this article is so great!
but i beg to argue,
1. there are always at least 2-6 lesbians there
2. i have pulled at least a few times there (as have a few of my lez friends)
oh and no mention of the NASTY toilets? always in my head on repeat as i’m headed to the toilets: DON’T TOUCH ANYTHING DON’T TOUCH ANYTHINGGGGG! oh and the symphonies of sniffing. yes. every time.
Last time I was talking about the joiners my friends started complaining about how one is made to feel guilty by the bouncers before even getting inside. I agreed with this statement and told her that nearly everytime I have gone there I ahve had hassle by the bouncers. The I realised that I have actually been kicked out of the joiners for doing Mephedrone behind someone’s back on the sofas. This may explain why the bouncers hate me! Oooops!
Reasons to go: That boxer barmaid (trannie?) Fancy a vodka, no ice? Ooh yes please.
What’s this about a lesbian corner on Brick Lane?
Coffee @, in between the bagel places. Many a hot ladee.
The Joiners owes me 1x iPhone. Minimal regrets.
Beats anything in Soho. Toilets included.