An Ode to Lesbian Mentors

by Devil’s Food Cake

Do you ever think about your lesbian past? And about the people that shaped the person you are today? Last night I had drinks with possibly the most important person of my young lesbian existence. This woman taught me more than any other I’ve known (bar, of course, my mother, who raised me). You may think, perhaps, that she was my lover, or even my best friend. She was much more than that, in fact: she was, and is, my mentor.

When I first came out, I’ll admit, I was plain terrified. I fell, or thought I’d fallen, head-over-heels with a girl five years my senior, and she treated me like her dim-witted puppy dog. We were on, then we were off, then we were on, then I was too young, then we were on, then she got back with her ex-girlfriend, and so on and so forth. And I swear, I would have lost all faith in mankind, out of pure misery and confusion, if it hadn’t been for D.

We met, properly, when we were manning our respective stalls for our university Fresher’s Fairs (I was Treasurer for the LGBT; she was President of People For Planet); we danced that night away together and then we sang our way across Waterloo Bridge. She spent the night (platonically) at mine, and in the morning, over tea, we had a frank discussion about women and being screwed around. She left me that day a whole lot wiser and a whole lot braver.

Since then, there’s nothing that I haven’t talked to D about. She was there giving me dating advice as I fumbled around the scene. She gave me a sex talk before my First – a talk that was invaluable and which I have since given to two other impressionable youngsters. She was there during my first heartbreak, climbing into bed with me and holding me as I wept. She was there when I was at my most debauched and she was there when I was at my most ecstatic. And she has continued to be there, through thick and thin.

We don’t talk every day – and there have been times when we haven’t talked for months – but she’s always there, consistently. And she continues to be both an inspiration and someone to aspire to – her relationship with her girlfriend is probably the most functional relationship of anyone I know  and she has this ability to be both incredibly fun and incredibly informed and clever. If I had to choose a lesbian role model, I know it would be her. I’m lucky, because her wisdom has made me a better gay, in just too many ways to count. And I know that tomorrow, or in five years, or in ten, she’ll still be the person I can talk to about anything, the person who will always have an answer for whatever question I have, who can make anything, everything, better. And she’ll still let me wear her teddy-bear pyjamas when everything sucks.

Has anyone figured in your life the same way? Who would you say moulded your queer personality?