In response to Kevin.

by Fairy Cake

TheMostCake gets the best emails.  Fact.

While everyone was getting crunk at last week’s Twatty B extravaganza, Fairy Cake was home alone, waxing semiotic at a dodgy America food distribution company.  The fruits of her labour can be seen below.  And before you ask, no, she is not remotely bitter about missing out on sweatily rubbing up against Beth Ditto.  Not bitter.  No.

Not.

To: contact @ themostcake.co.uk
Subject: re: selling your baked goods through our stores
Date: Wed, 30 Jun 2010 13:51:57

I’ve spent some time at your website and I think your baked goods would be a great fit in some of our stores. We work hand in hand with thousands of grocers, specialty food stores, independent retailers and large chains around the country. If you’re interested in selling your products to more stores visit us at ______.  You can pick and choose who you want to sell to.

Sincerely,

Kevin Sanderson
VP Merchandising
555-788-5799 (ext 3)
________.com

To: kevin@______.com
Subject: R.e: re: selling your baked goods through our stores
Date: Thurs, 1st Jul 2010 :23:21

Dear Kevin.

First of all, thank you for your email.  I can assure you, as a blog largely maintained by chronically-single lesbians, the matter of cake distribution is never far from our thoughts.  Cake is, to put it bluntly, our crack.

However, in your haste, you appear to have overlooked the fact that our website, TheMostCake, is in fact a queer lifestyle blog for women based in London, England, and not, as you have mistakenly concluded, an international supplier of baked goods.

I can only assume you stumbled upon said conclusion because of two factors;

1)  Our site has the word ‘Cake’ in it

2)  There is an image of a cake on our homepage

I, for one, can understand your confusion.  However, despite the occasional bake-off, TMC remains a website for the nutrition of the mind, and not the body.  By your logic, one could also assume that Mashable.com was a site that existed purely to supply punters with things they could mash, or that RatherGood.com was actually any good (NB: it all went downhill after they started doing those ads with the penguins for Switch/Maestro).

Sadly, in the modern age, ‘denotation’ has been largely superseded by its flamboyant cousin ‘connotation’.  Context is king.  The culture of branding has shifted us further and further away from literal association, into a structuralist nightmare of Saussurian proportions.  To avoid any additional disappointment, both for yourself and for your thriving company, I suggest that from now on you steer clear of approaching potential suppliers online, so as to limit further misunderstandings and/or mutual embarrassments.

Or, you could just, y’know, learn to read.

Best wishes,

TheMostCake.