Teenage Girl Crush #1 : Sally Phillips

by Fairy Cake

Part nostalgic wank, part obscure Garbage reference (10 points if you get it), this post is about one of the handful of sort-of celebrities who coaxed my homosexuality out of it’s stubborn little shell. Or rather, women that caused me to have a massive anxiety attack whenever they came on the telly, as a result of the ying/yang head-versus-vagina battle that was raging inside my confused 14-year old self.

My Sally Phillips obsession started when I caught an episode of Alan Partridge aged about 13. My mum was a huge fan of Steve Coogan, and although I wasn’t entirely mature enough to ‘get’ his golf-jumpered embarrassment of a radio presenter, I quite fancied the giggling girl behind reception.  She had less lines that everyone and yet stole scenes like some kind of celluloid klepto.

When Smack the Pony came along, I was well into my homemade Bikini-Kill t-shirt years and thus was taping anything on TV that had a disproportionate amount of oestrogen in it.  This show cannot be given enough props.  It is still I think one of the strongest sketch shows of all time, and the fact that there were ladies at the helm meant you got to see chiquitas actually making the jokes, rather than playing straight to every 90s funnyman.

I convinced myself that I just really wanted to hang out with her and be her friend, but in my dreams I fantasised about bumping into her on a school trip to London and having some whirlwind romance to the sound of Fleetwood Mac’s Rumours that ended in soft focus in a caravan somewhere.  Which would have totally happened even though she was a 30-something straight TV actress and I was a minor from Birmingham with bad hair.

Pretty much every celebrity crush fantasy I had during my formative years presented itself this way.  Though sometimes we were listening to Carol King.

I don’t know if any of you guys had a thing for Sally but it’s never too late to start.  Really.  A recent interview with her and co-star Fiona Allen on STV revealed there’s a possibility that ‘the Pony will be returning at some point, though not in it’s original format.  Until them I am YouTubing the old series and posting any Phillip-relevant content below.

Alan Partridge – Cable

Smack the Pony – Cups of Tea and Flies

Smack the Pony – Kitchen Cum Lounge

Smack the Pony – Saying Goodbye

Bridget Jones – The Edge of Reason (with the amazing Shirley Henderson)

Smack the Pony – Young Professionals

Smack the Pony – Toilet Duck

There were also a few skits involving Sally lezzing off, much to my adolescent joy.

Smack the Pony – The Kiss

Smack the Pony – Office crush

Also, DOOM MACKICHAN.

And Sarah Alexander!