Tuesday Top Ten… gay Christmas presents

by Lemon Tart

True facts about lesbians: we all have rainbow flags hung around our houses like wallpaper. We’ve read every single book by Virginia Woolf – ten times over. We love Pink, and have all been to every gig she ever did (even in Australia – it’s expensive being gay). Each and every lez has five pairs of dungarees in her cupboard in yellow, red, blue and white colourways – and black for special occasions. Oh, and we definitely have a shrine to KD Lang by the front door, at which a lit candle is always in attendance. Some gay women miss work to make sure this candle doesn’t go out.

And we only buy each other gay Christmas presents. Here are some of my personal favourites (I’ve included web links so you can buy them all – The Most Cake at your service.)

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1. Rainbow Happy Face Black Ball Cap

Does everyone know you’re gay? Are you sure? Make sure your friends are clearly visible by buying them one of these beauties, courtesy of Gay-Mart.

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2. Christmas Tree Bulbs Gift Bag

Make sure your chum’s festive centrepiece is as gay as possible. From 10 percent.com.

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3. t.A.T.u. – The Best

There’s only one CD any lez needs – all twenty of t.A.T.u.’s greatest hits. And at only £6.48 on Amazon, who can say no?

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4. Peace Offering Print

Lavendardoor.com says: “Gorgeous detail and delicate lighting gives this print a very special quality.” I couldn’t have said it better myself.

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5. Jordan: Pushed to the Limit

Jordan is the hottest girl on the planet, and is definitely an icon for our times – so any friend would smile from ear to ear on opening this great gift. According to Amazon’s blurb, “Katie Price has led a rollercoaster life and the excitement, glamour and emotional twists and turns show no signs of slowing down.” You can even read about her beautiful new baby girl, Princess Tiaamii.

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6. “Les Bie Friends” Cake

Yes, this cake may cost £120. But surely it’s worth it? Available from The Cake Store – “London’s favourite cake maker”.

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7. Samantha Fox Poster Book: A Book of 20 Tear Out Posters

I personally quite want this: a tasteful collection of the UK’s most famous lesbian’s best shots. At only $199.99 on Amazon – a snip.

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8. A T shirt to help your mate pull

Any friend with discerning tastes will love this T Shirt. Great font; subtle message – and hey it looks like the words are so small any prey may have to get closer to read this! Bonus. Only $24.99 from Gay Lesbian T Shirts.

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9. A subscription to Land Rover Monthly

Every gay gal loves Land Rovers right? The bigger the better right! I just miss bullbars – bring back bullbars! Click here to buy a year’s worth of this glorious publication.

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10. Paul Seville Horse Tail Belt

Who wants a boring latex sex toy when you can get someone a HORSE TAIL? £650 from Coco de Mer.