Tuesday Top Ten… the pros & cons of being a lesbian.

by Fruit Cake

Most days I find myself thinking how great it is to be a lesbian. Admittedly, it’s usually as I walk into Mannequin, or some equally wonderful girls’ night filled with exquisite women. I didn’t always feel so good about my lifestyle; coming out is hard and the desire to be ‘normal’ can overcome the best of us, but as with any problem, breaking it down to it’s smallest parts is a good way to make it less daunting.

As a coping mechanism and for some mild comic relief, I developed a list of the Pros and Cons of being a lesbian. I’ve refined the list with time and experience, but the concept is still the same, it’s the little things that really determine how you view your life.

1. PRO: You get to date girls; CON: you don’t get to date men

Wait, oops! That’s two Pros!

2. PRO: Never having to worry about an accidental pregnancy; CON: Dealing with two bouts of PMS a month

You may not have to worry about birth control, but that’s roughly ten days a month of PMS. That means for a third of the month, at least one of you is crazy.

3. PRO: You get to make the first move; CON: facing an increased risk of rejection

Not to say that hetero girls can never make the first move, but generally lesbians have to be a little bit more active in this regard. There is nothing like the rush of seeing someone you like and plucking up the confidence to go after them. There’s also not much that’s as crushing as when she rejects your sorry behind.

4. PRO: You get to do fun tomboy activities; CON: you have to remove your own spiders and lift heavy luggage

I love engaging in activities that are traditionally reserved for men; from drinking whiskey and smoking cigars, to wearing the occasional suit and tie, to going fishing with my dad, it’s great not to be confined to ‘girl’s stuff’. This has a serious downside however, when you and your girlfriend are stuck in a room with a spider big enough to eat your cat and neither of you can muster the courage to leave the safety of the duvet.

5. PRO: One extra wardrobe; CON: sharing your wardrobe

Having her wardrobe at your disposal means twice as many clothes! Great! Until one day you notice that half of your closet is gone, and she’s threatening to take your favourite pair of Converse in the break-up.

6. PRO: You get to take girls on dates; CON: that momentary confusion about who pays the bill

Planning and executing a good date is a real skill, and devising ways of being devastatingly sweet and charming is totally fun, but what if there isn’t an obvious dater/datee? If anyone knows of any smooth lines to get the bill without being a touch awkward, please let me know!

7. PRO: It’s much easier to sneak around to have sex; CON: the women’s bathroom becomes a strange erotic zone

Being a lesbian makes things like going to an all-girls boarding school or living in a women’s hall a lot more fun for obvious reasons (I’m going to say them!) hot, secret sex that usually goes undetected. But does anyone else find it weird when the women’s bathroom becomes a meat market?

8. PRO: You can sleep with your mates; CON: you end up sleeping with your mates

I know everyone goes on about how this is such a bad thing and lesbians are always ruining friendships because they couldn’t keep it in their pants, but if you manage to stay friends, it can be really good. You get to know that sexual side of them as well as the platonic side, and after all, you do think they’re great; otherwise you wouldn’t be friends with them in the first place.

9. PRO: Having a wardrobe consisting of casual chic and trainers; CON: trying to find something to wear for an extended family wedding

You love your jeans and trainers, but when it’s time to polish up and wear a dress and heels, you find yourself wondering if your shiny gold All Stars count as formal wear.

10. PRO: figuring out sex is quicker since you have your own; CON: the absence of certain organs means a large toy budget

I still haven’t decided if this last point is a pro or a con.