Wedding bells for ‘Glee’ star Jane Lynch

by Florentine

There are many viable and legitimate reasons to love Jane Lynch.  For me, most of them now revolve around eight or so perfectly delivered lines of scathing dialogue every Monday night from nine on E4.  For others, perhaps a willingness to speak candidly about her personal life despite Hollywood pressure to keep schtum (and straight) does the trick.  And for some latecomers to Lynch-ville, maybe it’s just because she verbally kicked Obama’s gay-marriage-ban-allowing ass a few weeks ago:

“Shouldn’t there be safeguards against the majority voting on the rights of a minority? If people voted on civil rights in the 60s, it would have never happened. It took somebody like [President] Lyndon Johnson going, ‘F’ all of you! I’m going to do this.’ Obama won’t do it. He’s a huge disappointment to me.” (in an interview with The Guardian, 8th Jan 2010)

Whatever your reasons, she and her impeccable comic timing are pretty super.  And what do we wish for all of Earth’s super people?  That’s right – happiness and riches beyond their wildest dreams.  Ok ok, a satisfactory state of contentment at least, yes?  As such (aside from all the other websites and blogs and newsfeeds that got there before me) may I be the first to express my pleasure that everyone’s favourite screen cynic has recently, according to the New York Times’ Cartpetbagger blog, announced her spring wedding to psychologist girlfriend Dr Lara Embry (yup, the one from that landmark same-sex custody battle).  Yey them, and yey to another high-profile lesbian couple laughing in the face of social and/or media suppression to help make our community more visible by the day.  I’m sure that’s not strictly why they’ve made their announcement public of course, but it is a rather excellent by-product nonetheless.

For those not in the know, Jane Lynch is currently starring as ballsy cheerleading coach Sue Sylvester in Fox’s Golden Globe winning, quasi-musical hit Glee.  If you’ve seen the ads and dismissed it as ‘some lame High School Musical rip-off’ (or similar), then I can only compare your current situation to trying a McDonalds on the day of your retirement, then recoiling in horror at the 65 years of potential McDonalds-enjoying moments you have tragically wasted.  For Glee, just like McDonalds, somehow manages to be really bloody good in the most guiltily pleasurable of ways.

As an early, gratuitous wedding gift (mostly to me), I’m going to leave you with a few more reasons to love Jane Lynch in case you don’t already have enough.  They come in the beautifully gift-wrapped form of typically asinine Sue Sylvester one-liners.  If you don’t already watch Glee, you might want to set your inner cynic free and give it a whirl after this.  I offer no form of compensation for emotional damage (or otherwise) suffered by self in the process however… though I will send you a biscuit if you feel particularly hard done by/sensorially violated.  Maybe.

Slip into character here…

And don a good, silvery sharp tongue…

 

“Glee Club… Every time I try to destroy that clutch of scab-eating mouth-breathers it only comes back stronger, like some kind of sexually ambiguous horror movie Villain”

“I don’t trust a man with curly hair. I can’t help but picture little birds laying sulphurous eggs in there, and it disgusts me.”

“I empower my Cheerios to be champions. Do they go to college? I don’t know. I don’t care. Should they learn Spanish? Sure, if they wanna become dishwashers and gardeners.”

“I always thought the desire to procreate showed deep personal weakness.”

“That was the most offensive thing I’ve seen in 20 years of teaching — and that includes an elementary school production of Hair.”

“I can’t stand the sight of kids getting emotional, unless it’s from physical exhaustion.”

“All I want is just one day a year when I’m not visually assaulted by uglies and fatties.”

”I, for one, think intimacy has no place in a marriage. Walked in on my parents once, and it was like seeing two walruses wrestling”

“Not everyone is gonna have the walnuts to take a pro-littering stance. But I will not rest until every inch of our fair state is covered in garbage.”

“I got a satellite interview. That’s lingo for an interview, via satellite.”